Hello, fellow Seekers!
This is Part 1 of a 5-part video/blog series sharing a little about my journey over the last couple of years. I made the title, To Be or Not to Be, because I think it’s one of the things we Seekers bump into often. We ask ourselves, “Who am I meant to be?” “Is it safe to be who I really am?” And, “how do I best express myself in this world?”
There are some people who seem to start out life with clarity, but I’m one of the people who has struggled. I had a sense early in my life that I was a healer and teacher. That has been a thread through my whole life. I’ve been through a couple of different careers. I was a K-12 music education major in college. However, instead of teaching, I spent 11 years as a Navy musician. I then earned my doctorate in clinical psychology and was in the mental health field for nearly 20 years. Now, I’m following this new path to which I’ve been called.
I want to share with you about my process, especially the last few years. It’s one of the “hero’s journeys” in my life. I’m sure you’ve had a few of your own. Maybe you can relate to the struggles, fears, uncertainty, and pressure from Life and the Universe to change.
I’ve always struggled, had some perfectionism, and tried to meet the expectations of the people around me and the culture. I wanted to be good at whatever job I did. I wanted people to like me. That’s all fine.
The problem was, I manipulated myself to be who I thought they wanted me to be. It took me a long time to grow into being my true self and living the way I felt called by the universe, by the divine.
In my most recent profession as a psychologist, I was in private practice seeing therapy clients, which was great in so many ways. I also struggled with a lot of things about the structures imposed on the profession. I didn’t always feel free to be how I wanted to be and do my work the way I wanted to do it. I also had a hard time living my aligned lifestyle because I felt so much stress. I’ve spent plenty of time dealing with depression, anxiety, and stress. I believe those difficult states come from not being who we really are and living in the ways that support our best selves.
I wasn’t living in alignment with my best self. In 2020, when the pandemic started, despite all the difficulties, pain, and craziness in the world, I was really happy that year. Circumstanced forced me into a smaller life creating a lot more time and space. The time and space freed up a lot of energy for me to do things like go to the woods or ocean most days.
I got a lot of exercise. I had my COVID pod, and that was emotionally satisfying and supportive of my process. I also took a lot of time off that year, more than I’ve ever taken. The extra time off allowed for rest, creativity, and time in nature, which is my church.
In 2021-2022, things slowly shifted back toward the way they had been. It was a sneaky process reverting to old patterns. Once again, there was a way I felt trapped in my life.
My family camped and traveled extensively in the summer when I was a kid. I got to spend time in national and state parks all over the U.S. and Canada. It was amazing for me.
It was good for my soul. I wanted to recreate that in my current life. I decided to figure out how to buy a trailer. I picked out this tiny trailer. I wanted one that was sturdy and affordable. A trailer that I could handle by myself. I also needed to get a tow vehicle. I had absolutely no idea how all this was going to work.
Thanksgiving of 2022 I put a deposit down on the trailer. The trailer wouldn’t be ready until January 2023. I figured the worst that could happen was I’d lose the deposit if I changed my mind or couldn’t work out the financing and tow vehicle. I had no idea how it was going to happen. I needed every bit of those 15 months to get myself mentally, emotionally, psychologically ready for that journey and what it would mean. I was after freedom, which is one of my highest values, and time in divine nature.
I had glimmers of excitement knowing that nature and travel would be so good for me. I was also terrified by the unknowns. I had to use all my resources, my people, the people who loved me and challenged me to grow me during that whole time. It might seem silly, but it took deep spiritual work for me to get ready for this thing that I felt called to do. I felt like I needed to do it. I felt like the Universe was moving me toward whatever my next version of myself was going to be and a whole life new phase.
If you’re into astrology, this whole journey was during my Second Saturn Return. Big change and pressure to follow one’s aligned path overseen by the “Headmaster”!
The journey began at the beginning of my 60th year on this planet. Two days before New Year’s 2022, I got in the car with my two cats and all the equipment I could cram into the car. The financing of the trailer didn’t happen until the very last day, and it was scary. I got in the car and drove from Washington to Texas to pick up that little trailer, then traveled for three months.
I got acquainted with the trailer and the process while traveling along with my brother and sister-in-law in their RV for the first few weeks. Then I went my own way.
I went to some beautiful places. I still can put myself in one desert campground in Arizona. The desert isn’t my place, but I could appreciate the unique beauty of it. I was camped near a large reservoir. Mornings brought the sunrise, hot air balloons on the horizon over the mountains just across the reservoir, and coyote sightings as they headed to their dens for the day. At night I watched the sunset and silhouetted saguaro cactus over the western mountain range. Owls, coyotes, and wild burros serenaded me to sleep each night. It was glorious and I will simply say, it changed me.
I will share more about that in the next video.
Remember,
Love yourself,
Act like it,
Share it,
And that will Change the World!
Inis LaMothe, PsyD 
I’d love to read your thoughts about this article.