To Be or Not to Be Pt 4: Go Where You Are Called

Hello fellow Seekers!

In the last video, I shared about coming home from my winter 2023 trip feeling changed and in continuous change. This is To Be or Not to Be Pt 4: Go Where You’re Called. You can watch the video here.

I had no idea what the next steps were when I got home. They were revealed during the weekend retreat with my business friends. I came out of that weekend with a very strong, very clear plan to sell the house, sell all my stuff, travel a little, retire as a psychotherapist in August, and then spend the rest of the year finishing the book. The plan for 2024 was to start my new work that was going to look similar to my previous work.

I got the house ready, sold all the stuff, and went to visit friends on the Oregon coast. Then, as I shared, my plans fell apart. Nothing came together to make it possible to go back to Washington. Some of my people had moved out of the area and I didn’t have a place to park. Surprisingly, however, everything did fall into place for me to stay on the Oregon Coast. I love this place.

I was acquainted with some people through my friend and because of her friends, I landed in this amazing parking place for my little trailer with ocean views. It was easy. I had a little resistance when my friend kept asking me, “why do you have to go back? Why do you have to go back?” and I said, “well, that was my plan. I don’t know.”

Usually when I get in that struggle place, there’s a point where I kind of smack into the wall. That forces me to slow down for a minute to contemplate and to look for possibilities or direction. I must let go because I can’t make the thing happen. It finally puts me in a place of surrendering. Surrender is often my last resort. HAHA Then I’m able to feel into asking, what’s the right thing? What’s the right next step? And this was it.

Suddenly I had a new plan. I thought, “Okay, I’m okay being here. I’ll stay here. I’ll finish up with my clients in August and I’ll write the book.”

What really happened? I finished up with my clients in August and immediately I was swamped with grief, sadness, and burnout. It took me down for a while. I really had to focus on practicing what I preach, so to speak. I had to do all the things that I knew helped me come into alignment. Things like being in nature, being in the trees, being next to the ocean, doing yoga, spending time with friends, and being physically active. I also was asking questions, asking for guidance, listening, and doing my best to be present.

I eventually come to a place of trusting the Universe at some point. Again, it’s not where I start unfortunately. It’s uncomfortable until I feel the grounded clarity which can take a while. I was anxious, sad, and depressed. But I had come to trust that if I could find some patience, the clarity would come to me. I tried to write the book in the fall. I really worked hard at it. It wasn’t happening even though I had all the material. I’m a good writer. I like writing. I like creating. But it didn’t happen, so I tried harder. That’s my modus operandi, I tried harder and harder to make it happen. The problem was that trying harder wasn’t, and isn’t, a sustainable strategy. It just doesn’t work.

I eventually started asking for the answer from the Universe from within my struggle. A question popped up one day… “what if a book is not the right format for me? What if long form of communication is not my best path?” Whoa, what?

That threw me for a loop. I thought, if I don’t do that, what do I do? Frankly, I was shocked and terrified. I had some ego wrapped up in writing a book. I’d been telling people that I was writing a book.

I also had my 60th birthday around that time. I don’t have a problem with being 60 years old, but I did have thoughts and feelings about moving into a new phase of life. So now what am I going to do? How do I contribute? How do I support myself? I quit my job. I needed to generate income. I got freaked out for a while with all the uncertainty. All those scary “what ifs?”. Have you ever gotten overwhelmed by the “what ifs?” What’s my role? I’m stepping into this new age, a new phase of life as a crone, as a mentor as an elder, how do I contribute? What if it doesn’t work?

I had all these questions percolating in my mind. Then, I had an experience at the end of November, that blew my mind. I’d been learning about Cognomovement and had a session with my mentor. It calmed my nervous system so much that it took away all the anxiety. I was happily shocked by the experience.

The freedom from anxiety moved me into creative activities. I started drawing. I started painting. I brought music back into my life. I did some writing but not the book. I was just enjoying percolating and creating in this free mind space.

I had been following some YouTube creators who seemed to be successful with hundreds of thousands of followers. It popped up one day, like, what if…? What if short form writing and communicating were right for me? What if I shared and taught in that way? What if I wrote blogs, made videos, and talked as my creative process. There could be enormous flexibility with what I could do. The ideas started flowing about main topics, guided experiences, a book club, and practical spirituality. Ideas about sharing information and helping people make it embodied wisdom in their everyday lives.

It felt like the universe told me and showed me the next step. Even though it seemed crazy, and I had no idea how to do it. I don’t know how to make a living doing YouTube. But I saw that it was important for me to take the steps. It was important to accept that once again, my path would a unique and curvy in a way that many people would think was crazy. Believe me, that was scary. The uncertainty of the future.

But there was certainty that this crazy step was my next right step. I was not shown anything clearer or further down the road. I was shown the just next step. Not seeing the whole path was stressful too!

That brings me to the beginning of 2024 which I will talk about in the next video, Part 5.

Please subscribe to the YouTube channel. Leave a comment or question. I’d love to hear about the questions you bump into. This channel is for you. I’m going to share my spiritual path, the challenges I encounter, the things I’m fascinated by, and interested in. But I also really want to help you find your answers along the way. So, please ask me the questions and we’ll figure them out together, I’ll share my thoughts, and you can discover what’s true for you in the process.

Remember to…

Love yourself,

Act like it,

Share it,

And that will Change the World!

Be well Seekers,

Dr. Inis